How is Your Mental Nutrition and Fitness?
The mind, Sylvia Boorstein says, is like tofu. It absorbs what we feed it.
Happy Passover, Easter, Ramadan (or April, for those who, like me, don’t celebrate any of these)!
As I was pondering what to write for today’s newsletter, I saw a Buddha Doodle on Instagram: “The mind is like tofu. It tastes like whatever you marinate it in.” This quote comes from Sylvia Boorstein, one of the most relatable Buddhist teachers I’ve found.
I’ve experienced this, too. I worked in the entertainment industry for 15 years and never really thought about the effect it was having on me. When my cable was disconnected in 2010, and I couldn’t watch anything, I was surprised to notice that my self-esteem skyrocketed.
I haven’t subscribed to cable TV since. As I wrote in the linked post above, whenever I watch more than a few episodes of a series, the worldview of that series gets into my head, and that’s not always a good thing.
A few years ago, I watched The United States of Tara – a beautifully written series that I really enjoyed…mostly. There was an episode in which a body difference was made the brunt of a joke – and it happened to be a way in which my body is different, too. Except it hadn’t ever occurred to me that there was anything wrong with that particular aspect of my body. I watched this entire fictional family – including characters whose perspectives I respected – make jokes about how hideous this particular body issue was. And I felt terrible. That’s just one incident, one episode of a series that supposedly flaunted conventional ideas. Television bombards us with these, hundreds of times a minute. So often that we’re mostly numb to it, until we back away and realize how much better it feels.
When I did watch TV, I often had dreams in which I was a character in a particular sitcom or drama—a clear indicator that the values of the show were infiltrating my subconscious.
For those of us who want to find and maintain inner peace, it’s essential to take full responsibility for what we feed our minds. That includes cutting out junk food (most reality series, for example) and choosing healthier options—like shows that focus on individuals growing and becoming more fully themselves (The Good Place, Mom and Hacks are three that come to mind, as do Atypical and Never Have I Ever).
This doesn’t necessarily mean watching PBS or CBC and nothing but documentaries. It just means using discernment—that critical thinking we value so much—when we choose what entertainment to watch.
When I watch something depressing, I feel depressed.
When I watch something that sets me into fight or flight, I feel anxiety or anger.
When I watch something that emphasizes duality or “ideals” my self-esteem plummets.
When I watch a show where, by the end, the characters are a little bit better because of their relationships… it aligns with who I want to be, renews my faith in the future of humanity, and also allows me to get a good night’s sleep.
Today, I do have a number of streaming subscriptions, in part because I work with writers who want to sell streaming rights for their books. Yet I’m still cautious about what I watch, because today, the majority of movies and series are what I used to call “feel-bad movies” and now I call “painbody entertainment.” That is, these movies and series stoke the collective fear, pain and outrage, rather than showing the innate drama of living a human life. (Not that all entertainment has to be purposeful; I just don’t like so-called entertainment that’s fear-mongering and outrage-provoking.)
Watching true crime series trains my mind to become more paranoid and make up stories that aren’t necessarily true.
Watching violent movies inclines my mind to become dualistic (us vs. them) and desensitized to violence. (That said, I can’t watch violence of any kind any more.)
Watching most romantic comedies trains my mind towards unrealistic expectations of relationships.
What are you feeding your mind on social media?
The upside of social media is reconnecting with friends and colleagues around the globe.
The downside is, well, everything else.
Social media is a never-ending stream of other people’s thoughts masquerading as fact. And the opinions we’re shown are most likely to align with ours. Tech companies are deliberately sowing divisiveness; they have manipulated our brains as a social experiment; it’s not any secret that social media contributes to depression and anxiety.
Yet for most of us, it’s a requirement—not only socially, but professionally.
I curate my Facebook feed pretty heavily; the people and pages I prioritize are those that focus on well-being, slowing down, and developing awareness—all in the interest of creating a more equitable world.
As you scroll, see how different posts make you feel—outraged? Anxious? Fearful? Hopeless? Uplifted? Hopeful? Inspired? This isn’t entirely about “choose what feels good”—sometimes we need to confront difficult truths. But if people in your feed are just stirring up shit or making you feel bad, unfollow them.
Remaining informed and also sane - navigating news media
I’m the first person to say that media is essential to a functioning democracy. I’d also suggest that democracy in the United States is not particularly functional right now. But I digress.
Before the internet, journalists were trained at J-schools. They were trained to interview people in a way that didn’t influence the answers, to write as objectively as possible, to filter their own biases out of the story (which is impossible, but at least the idea was considered). Fact-checkers worked around the clock to make sure news stories were as accurate as possible.
Then came CNN and all the other 24-hour news channels. With the advent of the internet and everything-you-could-ever-want-on-demand came a shift from fearmongering to outrage-mongering. Now most media outlets blast us with stories that will make us angry and more divided. (Previously, in the era of network news, it was fearmongering, so that we’d stay glued to the TV and watch more advertising.)
Here’s the thing: 90% of what passes for news today is not news. What Beyonce wore to the Nets game is not news. The shape of Kim Kardashian’s ass (or how she gets it to like that) is not news. Most political stories are strategically written—especially the headlines—to provoke outrage. News outlets know that outrage = going viral.
Yet being an informed citizen is also essential for a functioning democracy. So what’s a person to do? Here are some of the approaches I’ve found helpful:
Check news only once or twice a day
Never leave news on as background noise
When in doubt, check Snopes or PolitiFact, independent fact-checking sites
Notice how each headline or story makes you feel
Consider what would or wouldn’t change if you didn’t read, watch or listen to a given story. Would that change what’s happening? Would you feel more peaceful?
Again, of course, sometimes we have to feel uncomfortable in order to grow and become better people. Facing our own conditioning, our own racism or classism— learning to see our own ego—is uncomfortable. Owning up to saying or doing something inadvertently offensive is uncomfortable. Self-awareness, as Tara Brach says, is not always good news. That’s certainly the case in my experience.
That kind of discomfort is different than being manipulated into moral outrage and pain.
There’s no hidden secret that immediately bestows inner peace on you forevermore. Inner peace requires becoming aware of your choices and making each one carefully—even those things you think might not matter so much, like your choice of Netflix binge.
I’m not saying “do what I did.” (I’m never saying that, for the record!) Admittedly, I took an extreme approach. But try to bring awareness to your media choices (social, streaming and news), especially if you’re dealing with anxiety, depression or trauma—all those things that are the opposite of inner peace.
If you have any tips for navigating media or social media in a way that supports your well-being, please share in the comments.
Thank you Sarah! I've been thinking these thoughts lately and so thought I'd listen to a Tara Brach talk and read your newsletter rather than watch another mystery on BritBox. I know it's going to be better for my well-being.