A couple of weeks ago, I deleted Facebook and Instagram off my phone. Within 24 hours, I felt lighter and more serene; my thoughts weren’t whirling around, and I was able to focus better.
Yet like many of us, I missed connecting with far-flung friends and family. I’m still debating whether to quit social media entirely; in the meantime, I’m reminding myself of this practice, ironically called THINK. I don’t always get it perfect, but it helps me stay present and mindful during the brief windows of time I am on social.
From the roots of ‘kind, necessary, true’
In an earlier part of my journey, I heard about a practice called “kind, necessary, true.” I heard about it in the context of conversation: Is what I’m about to say kind and necessary and true?
I applied this practice to social media, and I stopped commenting on others’ posts almost entirely.
I would begin writing a comment or post, and then I’d ask myself if it met all the THINK criteria. Ninety-five percent of the time, I wound up deleting the comment or post. My egoic identity was strong enough; it didn’t need reinforcing.
Enter COVID, raging
Then the pandemic happened, and suddenly, social media took on a different resonance. Social platforms were pretty much the only place to connect with others. Suddenly, a Like or a ❤️ or a Care response seemed like kindness, and a comment even more so. “I see you,” that gesture says. “You are not alone.”
Now that the pandemic has been declared over (though people are still getting sick), social media is once again a place to connect with distant friends and family, but it no longer feels like the only social option (thanks, Zoom!). So to protect my own sanity, I’m going back to my THINK practice.
THINK about posts and comments
Social media is a stream of other people’s thoughts, masquerading as fact. When those thoughts bombard us on the regular, it’s harder for us to find equanimity or to be true to our own experiences. This is exponentially true with emotionally charged posts.
Of course we want to comment! There’s that prompt, right there: “Write a comment.” Or even more compelling: “What’s on your mind, Sarah?”
When I look at my THINK list, though, it’s pretty hard to justify commenting or posting… ever.
T = Is it true? This is the first and most obvious question. Is what I’m about to write factually true?
H = Is it helpful? This prompts me to consider whether I’m coming from a place of ego or heart.
I = Investigate why you want to comment on a post. Are you showing off knowledge or trying to make other people wrong, or are you offering it from your heart?
N = Is it necessary? Virtually no social media comments or posts are absolutely necessary. This keeps me from posting a lot of comments that just reinforce my ego (and therefore my painbody).
K = is it kind? The second most obvious question, which also gets at ego vs. heart.
I know, everybody and their cat has an acronym 🙄. But this is one I have used for 13 years, (mostly) successfully.
Going deeper than thoughts
We humans tend to have thoughts that play in loops, over and over. We ruminate, we obsess, we like to believe we’re accomplishing something by thinking… but most of the time, we’re not accomplishing anything other than making ourselves feel anxious and depressed. Posting and commenting can boost our own identification with ego by reiterating our thoughts (beliefs and opinions are both types of thoughts).
Only when we go beyond thought (not “falling short of thought”) to a place of calm presence can we access true wisdom and depth.
Suffice it to say, “calm presence” is rarely what shows up on Facebook or Instagram. I don’t know about Twitter; I deleted my account last year.
This mindful approach to social media has helped me to remember that the vast majority of our opinions don’t matter. I’m aware of the irony of using the acronym THINK to practice detaching from our thoughts, but language is very limited.
Social media is a constant stream of other peoples’ thoughts masquerading as fact.
Bottom line: The less I engage the mind by interacting with social media, the more inner peace I feel.
I hope to turn LTM into a book or five someday, but in order to do that, I have to attract new readers. Now that I’ve convinced you never to post or comment on social media again (LOL), if you find this post or newsletter helpful, please consider, uh, sharing it with your friends.